Some selections from Lovecraftian Deep Thoughts and More Lovecraftian Deep Thoughts:
I always thought that after the Old Ones got the Earth cleared off, it will leave a lot more parking space for owners of big cars.
Whenever I read the word “eldritch” I get hungry because it reminds me of “sandwich.”
If Miskatonic Library had been guarded by cats, Wilbur Whateley might still be with us today.
I think the Deep Ones should change their name to the Deep Many, because, for heaven’s sake, there’s more than just one of them.
I think that Cthulhu can beat up Godzilla because Godzilla is a lizard and Cthulhu is an octidragopulp and a pursuing jelly.
I always thought that an angry mob of Vermont farmers should have attacked the winged crabs and sold their meat as seafood.
What’s so great about the Great Old Ones, anyway? They’re all locked away under the sea or in outer space or in other dimensions. Sometimes I want to stick my tongue out at them and yell, “Nyah, nyah, nyah, look at the high and mighty Great Old Ones.”
Although it is true that I just sent six bullets into the head of my best friend, I hope by this statement to show that I am not his murderer. No, just kidding.
Gene Autrey and Roy Rogers met H. P. Lovecraft in heaven, and quite frankly, he spooked them.
I always thought it must be very boring to be a Great Old One. I mean, Yog-Sothoth is conterminous with time and space, but what does he DO?
I once sent Azathoth an invitation to play chess. But then I remembered that he is the blind idiot god. So then I sent him a picture of himself upon which I drew a silly mustache and clown nose. But then I remembered again that he is the blind idiot god and wouldn’t “get” the joke. So then I bribed his amorphous flute players to play a month’s worth of Zamphir just to see what effect it would have. I haven’t noticed anything yet, have you?
This morning I was awoken by the thin, piping sound, “Tekelili! Tekelili!’ But I wasn’t scared because I knew it was just my nose whistling.
Wouldn’t it be awful if the Great Old Ones cleared off the Earth, and then decided that they had made a terrible mistake.
If you went into the Miskatonic Library, and stole the NECRONOMICON, and were later caught, would they fine you or would they just be happy the thing was gone and ignore the whole thing?
What were the Great Old Ones called when they were young anyway?
I think it would really nice to have an audio-book version of the NECRONOMICON on tape. But then, I suppose it would use up an awful lot of narrators just making it.
Do you think Nyarlathotep, he of a thousand forms, might actually be schizophrenic?
If Cthulhu calls, should we answer or should we just let the answering machine pick it up?
They say that Hastur is called “He Who Cannot Be Named,” but when I visited him last week he told me to just call him “Sam.”
If I could be a character in a Lovecraft story, I think I would want to be one of the monsters. Then I could really scare people at Halloween — plus, I wouldn’t get eaten.
