by Chris Barrus
Lost in the the blogstorm following the pictures of Saturn’s north pole hexagon is this utterly eye-croggling photo of ice and water vapor spewing off of Encaladus’ volcanoes and into Saturn’s E-ring.
Turns out that you can get a variety of geometrical shapes by spinning a bucket of water.
The CrispyCone website commands us to introspect:
Isn’t it time to reinvent the way we eat our favorite foods?
Errr… Is it? Where does that pesky favorite food issue resides on the queue of the world’s problems? I can’t deny your logic though:
After all, we do everything differently than we did just a few years ago. The music industry has MP3’s. Cell phones got built-in cameras. Laptops went the wireless internet way.
Holy shit! You’re right! Please CrispyCones, tell us how to fix the problems with our favorite foods!
CrispyCones will forever change the way we look at meals on the go, with a new, fun alternative to traditional fast food. Made with nutritious ingredients and delivered in a smart drip-free cone that complements the delicious flavors of the food, the Crispy Cone lets you enjoy your favorite foods in a modern and environmentally-smart new way.
Wait what’s that about smart, drip-free cones? Are the cones intelligent or are they nice looking?
To meet the needs of the healthy, selective and environmentally conscious consumer. Not only is the shape of the cone different than anything else out there, it’s also different in concept: Nutritious. Responsible. Delicious. Prepared with care and thought. Environmentally smart, because it leaves no waste, and uses no utensils.
Prepared with freshly selected ingredients, served in a unique crispy, tasty dough, and filled with lean meats and fresh vegetables, the Crispy Cone caters to the taste buds as well as the needs of the health-conscious diner on the go.With its easy-to-handle shape, the Crispy Cone is the food you’ll love to eat on the move. Whether in the car, the mall, or walking down the street, the Crispy Cone lets you enjoy its delicious, hassle-free flavors while shuffling through your MP3, driving your car, working at your desk or talking on your cell phone.
Ah yes, flavor is such a freaking hassle. I have to tell your marketing guys something though. DO NOT continue to use those cute pun names like Veggiecone, Chicone, and the hideously named Porcone. It doesn’t work for Burgerpipe and it certainly isn’t going to make your revolting products any easier to take seriously, much less eat. Both product and product name are the punch line to a fifth-grade vomit joke.
I fear for you Arcadia.
On the other hand, maybe the cone menace can be repelled by some Season Shots a.k.a. The Ammo With Flavor. The website copy needs no embellishment:
Season Shot is made of tightly packed seasoning bound by a fully biodegradable food product. The seasoning is actually injected into the bird on impact seasoning the meat from the inside out. When the bird is cooked the seasoning pellets melt into the meat spreading the flavor to the entire bird. Forget worrying about shot breaking your teeth and start wondering about which flavor shot to use!
1. Load your gun with Season Shot and let the hunt begin. Watch as your bird is seasoned on impact leaving no harmful waste behind in the environment.
2. Forget about removing shot, prepare the whole bird for dinner! The Season Shot pellets will melt in the oven seasoning the entire bird.
3. Enjoy! No wasted time, no wasted meat, no waste left behind. Finally there’s a better way!
Unlike the ridiculous conespawn, Season Shot takes their competitors head on:
Season Shot
– Our ammo has flavor
– Seasoning from the field to the stove
– Season Shot is nature friendly leaving no shot to litter our environment
– No shot left in the bird to chip your teeth
– Cook the ENTIRE bird as it’s flavored from the inside out!Other Brands
– No flavor here
– Seasoning after the bird has been breasted
– Even non-toxic shot clutters our environment with unwanted litter
– Traditional ammo forces you to breast your bird losing time and meat
– With traditional ammo it’s hard enough to cook a whole bird let alone season it from the inside
Season Shot also wins because they have a cute mascot of a shotgun shell with a chef’s hat. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear this was a SubGenius prank.
Last week we said hello to Knut the polar bear, now say hi to Xenoglaux…
A tiny bird so rare and unusual that its scientific name means “strange owl” has been spotted for the first time in the wild, scientists announced yesterday.
Conservationists working in Peru got their first natural glimpse of the long-whiskered owlet last month while working in a private mountain reserve.
The species wasn’t even known to exist until 1976, and since then the only known living specimens have been those caught in nets at night.
…As few as 250 of the owlets are thought to exist, scientists said, and the birds are as distinctive as they are rare.
With their diminutive size, bright orange eyes, and wild, wispy facial feathers, the dainty birds belong to their own genus, dubbed Xenoglaux, or “strange owl.”
Countdown to the first South American speedmetal band to change their name to Xenoglaux in 5… 4… 3…
Ein amerikanischer Münchener forwarded me these listings for commercial property for sale out in Cadiz in the Route 66 area of the Mojave and I ended up wasting a good chunk of time plowing around through all the Loopnet listings.
I noticed that all 3324 acres of the former Rice Army Air Base (which I’ve blogged about and photographed) are up for sale at $5000 per acre. “Perfect for industrial storage, alternative generation, possible landfill.”
I was in the UK in 1973 and when I wasn’t running around the elevators in the old Regent Palace (hey, I was eight years old! pushing all the buttons in the elevator is required behavior) I was fascinated by British kids television and distinctly remember seeing an episode of Camberwick Green and some of the associated merchandise over at Hamleys. I can’t place precisely why I remember it well. Maybe it was the apparent mash up of Richard Scarry and Mister Rogers, both of whom were must-see CKB TV back then.
I hadn’t thought about Camberwick Green in thirty-four years. Just one of those odd I-remember-seeing-that-somewhere pieces of memory that rattle around until something jars it loose. Fast-forward to one of the most jaw-droppingly hilarious mental core dumps ever at the beginning of the most recent episode of Life On Mars:
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Pileup of semiotics in the Termini train station in Rome.
I have mentally set a goal for myself to learn enough Italian to be able to read one of these in the original language.
R.I.P. Calvert DeForest.
Two things I didn’t know. 1. His great uncle was inventor Lee De Forest. 2. He was still alive. I somehow thought that he had passed away awhile back.
Some obligatory YouTube clips:
Passing out hot towels at the Port Authority bus station
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Run-D.M.C.’s “King Of Rock”
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Irritating side effect of Web 2.1 tech developments: I’m using “quartzcity” (or some variation) everywhere as my online name, so now whenever something new shows up on the web I’m obliged to immediately register to prevent someone else from grabbing it as a user name.
I suppose I should be posting this to Twitter, but Jaiku is superior in every way.
The Fall has always been a peculiar kind of show and it’s a useful shorthand to describe the various iterations of Fall members as a sitcom cast. The cover to the US release of Reformation Post T.L.C. extends this analogy – they actually look like a sitcom cast.
Compare with:
Lorna of Lornamatic attempted to purchase a new BMW and encountered a Catch-22 of identity uselessness and privacy holes. She was requested to submit a thumbprint along with copies of her personal data, but none of it is checked for validity – just thrown into a box apparently. She canceled the deal and walked away, but wasn’t able to have her personal data returned (even though no valid contract was signed).
See also: security theater
