Author: Chris Barrus

Time for another installment of “Things I found on the Internet a decade ago.” It’s entirely possible that this originated from Chunklet…

Indie Credit Card Application

So do you all have enough indie credit for the platinum card? This is gonna show up in a zine soon…..

GIGGIN’!

1. What was the first show you saw?
2. How many shows have you personally put on?
3. Have they been all ages shows?
4. Have any of these shows showcased obscure experimental or Japanese noise bands?
5. Were any shows benefits for people in the scene?
6. Is going to a show your idea of a night out?
7. Do friends never see you except at shows?
8. How many flyers have you made?
9. When a pit forms do you:
• back away
• remain on the edge and get hit once in a while
• stand on the balcony and watch the mayhem unfold
10. Do you kiss ass to get free drinks?
11. Do you have a secret trick to get bands to give you their drink tickets?
12. Do door men recognize you and let you in?
13. Do you insist on paying to get into a show?
14. When was the last time that you paid to get in a show?
15. How many clubs have permanently forbid you from entering?
16. How many times have you snuck backstage?
17. How many times have you been escorted out of backstage?
18. Do you try to get back stage only so you can drink free beer?
19. Is nodding equivalent to dancing?
20. Do you feel self-conscious when asking the bartender for water at shows?
21. Does toilet paper make great earplugs?
22. How long on average does it take for your handstamps to wear off?
23. Ever thought of bottling that “smoky smell” you only find in clubs?
24. How many set lists do you have stuffed in your sock drawer?
25. How many backstage passes?
26. How many ‘all access’ tour laminates?
27. Do you mount your backstage passes where they’ll be visible to others?
28. Do you leave shows before they’re over?
29. Do you record live performances?
30. Do you trade live tapes?
31. Do you ever catch yourself waxing poetic about some show 10 years ago that nobody else saw by some now-famous band?
32. Have you seen every in-town performance by any out-of-town band?
33. Do your vacations center around out of town shows?
34. What’s the farthest distance you’ve traveled to see a band?
35. Do you heckle?
36. Do people say you heckle creatively?
37. What’s the best heckle you’ve ever come up with?
38. Has heckling ever caused you to get in a fight with the band?

IT’S WHO YOU KNOW

1. Have any of the following people called you? (returning your call does not count)
2. Do you refer to your friends by their band name? (i.e. Toby Motard, Jack Oblivian)
3. Do people refer to you by your band name?
4. Have you ever been personally responsible for getting a band signed to a label?
5. Do bands often give you tape copies of their records before they’re released?
6. How many records have you personally been thanked on?
7. Do you find you know more people outside your home town than in it?
8. Do people at record companies know who you are?
9. Do you have an interesting David Yow story?
10. Name the five most famous musicians you have met who would remember your first name.
11. Names of bands that have slept on your floor…
    • Signed:
    • Unsigned:
12. Got signed after sleeping on your floor
13. Got signed after sleeping with you?

MUSIC APPRECIATION

1. Have you ever described a band as being “quirky” or “lo-fi”?
2. Did you only find out about Squirrel Bait after the records got re-released on Drag City?
3. In conversations to you confuse bands that have similar names?
4. Do you own Dinosaur records without the ‘Jr’?
5. Do you own all the Tortoise 12″s?
6. Are you more partial to Half Japanese with David Fair?
7. Have you bought a record because of the shock appeal of their name or record sleeve?
8. Have you come up with descriptions for particular genres of music that have been widely used?
9. Do you enjoy any form of music made prior to 1988? (The Velvet Underground does not count, nor does Joy Division or any Krautrock)
10. Do you own an original 13th Floor Elevators record on International Artists?
11. Do you own the Chrome 6LP Box Set?
12. Had you heard of Sonic Youth prior to DGC?
13. Had you heard of Jon Spencer prior to the Blues Explosion?
14. Can Lydia Lunch rock?
15. Do you “get” Loren Mazzacane-Connors?
16. Did you used to make fun of country until Palace?
17. Are you often heard saying “Yeah, but it’s not as good as their earlier stuff?”
18. Is Jazz the music made for morons?
19. When (mo/yr) did Pavement start sucking?
20. When (mo/yr) did you purchase “Spiderland?”
21. When (mo/yr) did you discover Thalia Zedek?
22. When (mo/yr) did your teenage punk rock idols start sucking?
23. When (mo/yr) did punk ‘break’ for you?
24. When (mo/yr) did you start your membership in the Sub Pop Singles Club.
25. When (mo/yr) did you stop the Sub Pop Singles Club to start the Estrus Crust Club?
26. How many ska revivals have you lived through?
27. How many records did you buy in the ’80’s on Homestead? In the 90’s?
28. In conversations which band do you claim that you got into before your peers?
29. What is the first Dischord record you purchased?
30. What does ‘no depression’ mean to you?
31. Please list all labels that you buy everything on regardless of whether you like it or not.
32. Please list all bands that you buy everything by regardless of whether you like it or not.
33. Name 4 bands that Penn Rollings has been in.
34. Name 9 bands Bob Bert has been in?
35. In the space below, please write one good thing about Merzbow.
36. Loop or Spacemen 3?
37. ‘Earth AD/Wolfsblood,’ ‘Blackacidevil,’ or ‘American Psycho’?
38. Dead C or This Kind of Punishment?
39. Prince or Prince Far I?
40. Lee Perry or Mark Perry?
41. Sniffin’ Glue or Sniffin’ Rock?
42. Which of the following non-indie rock, chronological genre hot spots are you familiar:
• Late 60’s New York loft scene
• Late 70’s Cleveland Punk Rock
• 1960’s Rock Steady
• 1950/60’s one hit wonders
• Early 60’s Garage Rock scene
• Mid 70’s Dub Reggae
• Late 70’s British Art Punk
• early 80’s hardcore
• late 80’s hardcore
• 90’s complaint rock

PERSONAL

1. Race: White/Asian/Other
2. Are you currently in a federal detention center?
3. Marital status:
• Married
• Single
• What?
4. Which of the following were you well versed in before you found indie rock?
• Comic Books (of the super hero nature)
• D & D
• “Punk”
• Trying to communicate with the opposite gender
• Your Pillow
• The Smiths
• Metal
• glam metal
• drama club
• Poetry
5. A day of work for me consists of:
• Taking tickets at the Children’s Museum
• Working with children
• Working with the poor
• “Art”
• Playing on a cash register
• Health Food Store
• (in Austin) Working with the mentally handicapped
• Living off Trust fund while eschewing capitalism
• Walking to mailbox and getting a check from parents
• Waiting for check to arrive from parents
• Calling parents and asking for a check
• Pricing newly arrived records
• Placing Pepperoni slices on things
• Placing alcohol in customer’s bodies
• Calling people you don’t know about things you don’t know
• Pulling coffee
• Dancing naked on tables
• Computers
6. What is your position on sports?

REPUTATION

1. Have you ever been on a panel at a music conference?
2. Have you ever been interviewed as an authority on any music related subject?
3. Have you ever been called “infamous” or “famous”?
4. When was the last time (mo/yr) you were slammed in a magazine?
5. How many fanzines have put you in their “thanks” list?

SOCIAL SKILLS

1. If heterosexual and male, how many members of the opposite sex do you know on a first name basis?
2. If you have a mate, are they as socially inept as yourself?

FASHION SENSE

1. Do you carry exposed drum keys to look cool?
2. Do you sport sideburns of the sculptured variety?
3. Do you tell people your chain wallet is a theft deterrent?
4. Do you wear cowboy or motorcycle boots?
5. Do you have a tattoo of a band logo on yourself and now you don’t like the band?
6. Did you stop dying your hair when they started selling Manic Panic at the mall?
7. Has anyone ever told you that you dress like a rock critic or a rock star?
8. Have you not gotten that tattoo because of the pain factor?
9. Do Japanese kids ever offer to buy the clothes off your back?
10. Do your friends all look remarkably similar to you?
11. Do you have any velour or terrycloth in your wardrobe?
12. Does long hair facilitates rockin’?
13. What’s the ratio of thrift to new clothing that you own?
14. How thick are your glasses frames? How black?
15. Which retro look do you follow:
• 60’s greaser
• 70’s doofus
• 80’s preppie
• 90’s dirtbag
16. How many black silk shirts do you own?
17. Is it vertical or horizontal stripes on your acrylic sweater?
18. How many band t-shirts do you own that you don’t wear?
19. Is it wide or narrow wale corduroy?
20. How long before you get a new pair of Converse? Which type do you purchase?
21. Lowtop, hightop or one-stars?

REKKIDS

1. Do you own a record player?
2. Is your collection alphabetized?
3. Is your collection alphabetized by genre?
4. Are any of your records signed and framed?
5. Own any test pressings?
6. Are your 45s worth more than your CD collection?
7. Are record store employees actually nice to you?
8. Do record store employees keep a stack of stuff for you behind the counter?
9. Do you have to keep part of your record collection at your parent’s house?
10. Do you buy records and discover you already have them at home?
11. Do you wait to do all your record shopping until you get to New York City?
12. Do you ever buy records just so people can see that they’re in your collection?
13. Do you put all of your records in clear plastic bags?
14. Do you actually listen to your 10″ collection?
15. Have you ever been a member of the Pushead Fanclub?
16. Total monetary value of your collection (Please include appraisal? ie: please specify average value per record as well)?
17. What is your CD to Vinyl ratio?
18. What is your LP to 7″ ratio?
19. What is your Indie to major label ratio?
20. What is the most you’ve ever paid for a record?
21. What’s the least you have spent on a valuable record?
22. How much of your meager earnings are spent on buying new CDs and records?
23. How many times per year do you trade in CDs?
24. How many records do you buy in a month?
25. When (mo/yr) did you finally give in and buy a CD player?
26. When (mo/yr) did you first receive an Ajax mail order catalog?
27. When (mo/yr) was the last time you said your local record store sucks?
28. When (mo/yr) did you first receive a Parasol mail order catalog?
29. How much did you pay for your Silver Apples LP(s)?
30. What is the oldest Fall record you own?
31. What is the smallest pressing/edition release you own.
32. What was the last record you bought because it was limited?
33. What was the first 10″ you purchased?

LIFESTYLE

1. Does your significant other pay your bills?
2. Does your significant other carry your amp?
3. Does your significant other poster for your shows?
4. Have you committed yourself whole heartedly to veganism or animal rights only to renounce it later?
5. Did you used to be all environmentally friendly, but now use the street as your personal trash bin?
6. Do you have any pets named after musicians?
7. Do you tend to refer to things as being pre- or post-Nirvana?
8. Do you find yourself upset when other people fail to see how weird you are?
9. Has everyone you hung out with in college been signed?
10. Are you familiar with cheap eats like burritos, falafel and tofu dogs?
11. Are you constantly mistaken for a member of a band?
12. When you get into collecting something, does it become popular in mainstream media 6-12 months later?
13. Do you find your obsessive love of childhood cultural references like Scooby Doo and Speed Racer wildly original and wacky?
14. Are you a tech snob with no knowledge on how to play any musical instrument?
15. Have you squatted in London for a year to find your roots?
16. Do you downplay how much you know about computers? about most things?
17. Do you curse in order to downplay your extensive vocabulary?
18. Do people constantly ask you to explain what you’re talking about anyway?
19. When do you go to bed?
20. When do you wake up?
21. You’re at the bar: Anchor Steam or Budweiser?

ACTIVITIES

1. Have you ever been an intern at a record label?
2. Are/were you active in college radio?
3. Did you land a job after college thanks to connections made at the station?
4. Did you steal stuff while working at the station? No, seriously. We won’t tell.
5. Would you listen to other shows on the station, or only your own?
6. Do you prefer listening to your aircheck tapes to making mix tapes for your car?
7. Do you still have a radio show at the local college even though you graduated years ago?
8. Do you find that your radio show helps you meet sophomores?
9. Was there a movie (i.e. Slacker, Singles) that specifically ruined your scene?
10. If so, were you in the movie?
11. Did it really freak you out when the Flaming Lips were on 90210?
12. When you first saw Suburbia, did it remind you of your friends?
13. Are you embarrassed about that now?
14. Have you ever lived in Olympia or DC?
15. Do you own an 8mm camera?
16. Do you own an 8-Track?
17. Do you own a record label?
18. Do you own a tape label?
19. At what point did you find out that it was harder than it looks?
20. Do you have anybody famous on your label? (compilation appearances do not count)
21. Have you advertised in any zine? Name five.
22. Have you ever kissed the ass of a zine editor (or Music Director) so that they will feature (or play) your band?
23. Have you ever gone on tour and you’re not in the band?
24. Have you ever moved to a city because the scene was starting to take off?
25. Have you ever moved away from a city because the scene was being taken over by posers?
26. Have you tried being in a few crappy bands yourself?
27. Have you recorded other bands on your four track?
28. How many band mailing lists are you on?
29. How many record label mailing lists are you on?
30. When was the last time you told someone that Fugazi only charges $5 for their shows?
31. At what age did you stop listening to commercial radio?

THE WRITTEN WORD

1. Do you put out a zine?
2. Was it done with the sole purpose of getting free stuff?
3. Have you ever been a regular contributor to a zine?
4. Was it done with the sole purpose of getting free stuff?
5. Have you ever kept a pretentious, nihilistic road journal to publish in your zine?
6. Do you give up on zines if the general grammar and design flat-out sucks?
7. Do you have a secret crush on The Baffler because they use SAT words, too?
8. Did you stop reading MRR because it turns your fingers black?
9. Was the first copy of the Baffler you bought the one with the Albini article in it?
10. Do you own back issues of Conflict?
11. How many promo lists are you on?
12. How many promos do you sell in a month?
13. How many zines can you name?
14. Can you name the people who put them out?
15. How many fanzines do you “subscribe” to?
16. When was the last issue of MRR (mo/yr) that you bought and read? If you read it in the store, it still counts…
17. When (mo/yr) was the last issue of Forced Exposure?
18. Do you have the ability to mention a musical trend that happened just prior to the one somebody else mentioned?
19. At what decibel level to you proclaim your disgust or disinterest in music in general?

ROCKER STUFF

1. Do you have somebody who sells merchandise for you?
2. Do you call merchandise “merch”?
3. Have you driven over 600 miles to play a show?
4. Were you then paid in beer?
5. Have you ever destroyed your equipment on stage?
6. Have you done a Peel Session?
7. Have you toured Europe?
8. Do you have any road stories that involve Manny Theiner?
9. Do you pass hometown clubs with your college friends and say “We played there!”
10. Do you breathe fire on stage?
11. Does your band have a “schtick”?
12. Where is South Of The Border?
13. Have you ever seen the Nuclear Tits?
14. What is the furthest north you’ve toured?
15. What is the furthest south you’ve toured?

FANBOY/GIRL CRAP

1. Do you know what a sycophant is?
2. Do you maintain a bands official or unofficial web page? (you’re not in the band)
3. Do you run the fan club for a band? (you’re not in the band)
4. Are you on the chug, indie-pop or space-rock mailing lists?
5. Have you ever taken a piece of equipment after it’s been destroyed on stage by someone famous?
6. How many collectible posters do you own?
7. How many are:
• Derek Hess
• Kozik
• Art Chantry
• Coop
8. Do you buy them, are they given to you or do you steal them?
9. When was the first time you approached an artist for their autograph?
10. When was the last time? Who were they?
11. When was the last time you had a piece of rock memorabilia signed?
12. In different colored pens?
13. Are you filling out this application just to get the free single?