From: Tara, night_of_light@yahoo.com
Subject: The joys of benefactoring
Date: 2/23/2002 10:57:47 AM
To: Salonen@aol.com
Seance@lists.no-fi.com



>  Sure, it'd be a little tricky explaining why I needed about $500,000 
> from the GOVERNMENT to fund the tour and the next couple of albums, keep 
> the guys in good with white pants and some, um, fun-making plants, ; ) 
> -  but I am a very good writer and have a very active imagination. ; ) I 
> could also just randomly hit up rich people. ; )

See, this is why it's probably better to be a benefactor for the band 
operating from a pool of personal funds.  The less explained to the 
GOVERNMENT and the people who phone in to your pledge drives, the 
better.  I mean, aside from the cost of white pants and fun-making plants, 
as you put it, how do you explain some other things?  I mean, obviously, if 
I were wealthy and I was going to be using my wealth to support the band, 
I'd want a few small favors in return.  Like the opportunity to watch Tim 
mow my lawn without his shirt on.  Not the whole lawn.  Just a small area 
of it, while I took pictures and mopped his brow and held up glasses of ale 
for him to drink from.  Or for Marty to sing at my birthday party.  Without 
his shirt on.  Not for long.  Just two or three hours.  While I took 
pictures and mopped his brow and held up glasses of ale for him to drink 
from.  Or the chance to watch Red Dwarf with Peter.  And you know how Red 
Dwarf makes you guys feel like taking your shirts off, right?  Not many 
episodes.  Just seasons 5-8, I think (Quarantine would a must, wouldn't it, 
Mr. Flibble?  Oh yes, it would!)  And of course I'd take pictures and mop 
off Peter's brow and hold up glasses of ale for him to drink from.
And what about Steve, you ask?  I'd have to make Steve sit on a lawn chair 
in front of my house and make fun of my funny-looking neighbors.  I think 
he'd like that.  And I know *I'd* like it, too.  If he were shirtless and 
he let me take pictures and he let me mop his brow while holding up glasses 
of ale for him to drink from.
Reasonable requests, no?  But ones best kept from the GOVERNMENT.  They 
never give you enough lines to write explanations out on their forms, anyway.

T-t-t-tara



"You take somebody that cries their goddam eyes out over phony stuff in the 
movies, and nine times out of ten they're mean bastards at heart.  I'm not 
kidding."  -- The Catcher in the Rye


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