Hey, Everybody, Let’s Put On An Avant-Garde Show!

From the current Onion. Beautiful, genius, and so very very wrong…

Now, don’t get sore if you don’t land one of the lead roles. There’s work for everybody on this avant-garde production! Virginia’s a demon with a needle and thread; she’ll be just the gal to stitch together the blood-red cloth backdrop with the vagina-shaped opening through which the giant fetus enters in the first act. Jackie, the junkman’s son, is a born prop man – he could dig up enough rusted urinals and soiled dolls’ heads for a dozen plays! Sissy Chester can compose the dissonant, aleatoric score. And Spud never goes anywhere without his hammer and nails; he can build the stage and the sets, as well as the huge wooden letter M that drops to the floor and crushes the proletarian rioters at the end of Act II! The rest of you can sell tickets, paste playbills on the fence outside Schwoegler’s Field, or hitch Nanny Goat to her cart and haul a giant papier-mache phallus up and down Gurdeyville Town Square. Yep, we’re gonna need all the help we can get!