McDonnell Douglas Product Registration Form

(Origin unknown. Emailed to me in 1994. All mistakes, inconsistencies, etc. come from the original document)

McDonnell Douglas
Aircraft – Space Systems – Missiles

Important! Important!

Please fill out and mail this card within 10 days of purchase

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.

  1. Salutation
    • Mr.
    • Mrs.
    • Ms.
    • Miss
    • Lt.
    • General
    • Comrade
    • Classified
    • Other

    First Name: _______________ Initial: ____ Last Name: _______________
    Latitude: _______________ Longitude _______________ Altitude: _______________
    Password, Code Name, Etc.:__________________

  2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
    • F-14 Tomcat
    • F-15 Eagle
    • F-16 Falcon
    • F-19A Stealth
    • Classified
  3. Date of purchase: Month___________Day___________Year____________
  4. Serial Number____________________
  5. Please check where this product was purchased:
    • Received as Gift/Aid Package
    • Catalog Showroom
    • Sleazy Arms Broker
    • Mail Order
    • Discount Store
    • Government Surplus
    • Classified
  6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:
    • Heard loud noise, looked up
    • Store Display
    • Espionage
    • Recommended by friend/relative/ally
    • Political lobbying by manufacturer
    • Was attacked by one
  7. Please check the three (3) factors which most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
    • Style/Appearance
    • Kickback/Bribe
    • Recommended by salesperson
    • Speed/Maneuverability
    • Comfort/Convenience
    • McDonnell Douglas Reputation
    • Advanced Weapons Systems
    • Price/Value
    • Back-Room Politics
    • Negative experience opposing one in combat
  8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
    • North America
    • Central/South America
    • Aircraft Carrier
    • Europe
    • Middle East
    • Africa
    • Asia/Far East
    • Misc. Third-World Countries
    • Classified
  9. Please check the products that you currently own, or intend to purchase in the near future:
    • Color TV
    • VCR
    • ICBM
    • Killer Satellite
    • CD Player
    • Air-to-Air Missiles
    • Space Shuttle
    • Home Computer
    • Nuclear Weapon
  10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? Check all that apply:
    • Communist/Socialist
    • Terrorist
    • Crazed (Islamic)
    • Crazed (Other)
    • Neutral
    • Democratic
    • Dictatorship
    • Corrupt (Latin American)
    • Corrupt (Other)
    • Primitive/Tribal
  11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
    • Cash
    • Suitcases of Cocaine
    • Oil Revenues
    • Deficit Spending
    • Personal Check
    • Credit Card
    • Ransom Money
    • Traveler’s Check
  12. Occupation:
    • Homemaker
    • Sales/Marketing
    • Revolutionary
    • Clerical
    • Mercenary
    • Tyrant
    • Middle Management
    • Eccentric Billionaire
    • Defense Minister/General
    • Retired
    • Student
  13. To help us understand our Customers’ lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
    • Golf
    • Boating/Sailing
    • Sabotage
    • Running/Jogging
    • Propaganda/Disinformation
    • Destabilizing/Overthrow
    • Default on loans
    • Gardening
    • Crafts
    • Black Market/Smuggling
    • Collectibles/Collections
    • Watching Sports on TV
    • Wines
    • Interrogation/Torture
    • Household Pets
    • Crushing Rebellions
    • Espionage/Reconnaissance
    • Fashion Clothing
    • Border Disputes
    • Mutually Assured Destruction

Thanks for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future — as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:

McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
Marketing Department
Military Aerospace Division
P.O. Box 800
St. Louis, MO 55500

About Chris Barrus

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