Duty Now For The Future

Following from my snark about the Buried Belvedere (which on second glance looks like it had been smothered in batter and deep-fried for fifty years), Jonson challenged me to pick out five items from today that I want to preserve for the citizens of 2057.

1) The logo for the London 2012 Olympic Games. People hate it! People (marginally) love it! And really now, would you feel better if it had freaking Big Ben on it or something? As usual, Peter Saville gets directly to the point.

“I find it a bit cheesy. Those rings don’t sit happily within that angular form and the typographic expression of London is a little insecure and apologetic. On the other hand, it’s incredibly noticable, brave and confrontational. Designs which are effective are abrasive on our sensibilities initially, that is how they work. It doesn’t have to be nice because they are familiar, while a great design forges a new aesthetic. It’s real job is to be a catalyst for awareness of the Olympics and it’s doing that already”.

The logo reminds me of stylized Kanji that you would see on a Tokyo neon sign. I like it. I’m including it in my time capsule on the odd chance that it doubles as an Elder Sign. Hey, you never know.

2) A Cyborg Fidel Castro. Communist revolutionary to pop culture joke icon in under fifty years. I believe it’s only fair that he gets to annoy people forever. See also: the robotic Richard Nixon in Futurama. If a cyborg Fidel isn’t available, then the real Fidel will be a adequate substitute.

3) A stainless steel tablet with “COOKBOOK IT IS LOLZ!” engraved on it.

4) Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop-Tarts. Out of all the five items I’ve chosen, pop-tarts have the best chance of surviving fifty years of stasis. If the future is an all-natural blissful ecotopia, then pop-tarts are the exact Molotov Cocktail of bio-psychological corruption to bring those Eloi to the darkside of junk food. If the future is something else, then pop-tarts will provide the sugar boost necessary to escape the zombie hordes. Note: the pop-tarts must be brown sugar cinnamon, other flavors are not to be trusted.

5) Rheingold. Not the beer, but the band. It’s my dream that in the future everything will be 1980 Euro-synthpop and we’ll all have synthesizers made of red, yellow, and clear lucite.

At the very least, I want to leave 2057 a forty-five minute long version of “Dreiklangsdimensionen”.

Author: Chris Barrus

You are not cleared for this information.

2 thoughts on “Duty Now For The Future”

  1. Well, what have they done for us lately? Have they gotten around to building time machines yet? No! They’re just sitting back on their imperious future asses, full of their condescending “the fabric of the universe won’t let us alter the past.” Lazy bastards.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.